Agony Aunt

Posted: March 7th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Agony Aunt | Tags: Agony Aunt |

Relationship Advice for Women

Question

 

I don’t know if I understand the difference between love and true love? How do I know if I’m in love with my husband and its true love or if I just like him a lot?

 

Answer

 

Knowing the difference between love and true love isn’t an intellectual thing that you or one else can discuss, it’s a felt thing, and there is a saying that if you need to ask then you really aren’t.  And as flippant as that can sound, there is some truth in that- you just know when you love someone and you just know when you are in love with someone- you feel it.

 

There are other indicators if that answer isn’t sufficient for you, like how you feel when you think of your husband.  Do you smile and feel that special feeling only reserved for him?  When you’re not with him do you miss him, even if you’re having a great time?  When you’re with him do you look at him sometimes and just feel so lucky to have him in your life?  Is he the ONLY one for you and you don’t even think of another guy- it doesn’t cross your mind. 

 

It’s questions like these that when you answer them you’ll know whether you do in fact love your husband and it is indeed true love.

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Question

 

How would I know if our relationship is over?  I mean I still love him but I feel that he’s pulling away from me- does that mean it’s over? 

 

Answer

 

You need to look at your life and how he is treating you for the clues as to whether your relationship is over, and think about how you feel.  Your gut reaction is a great indicator that something is up- that your relationship isn’t going in the right direction.

 

• Do you argue more or have you stopped communicating?
• Do you cuddle less and sex is non existent?
• Does he want to be around you or does he make excuses that other things are taking up the time?
• Is he blatant and tells you he doesn’t love you anymore and he’s confused about how he feels?
• Does he only stick around because of the children and when he’s not involved in that he’s out with his friends.

 

The questions could go on and on- the thing is, you need to look at past behaviour and compare that to how you both are now.  And when you’ve done that you need to sit down and ask him outright is it over.  Because as much as this can be painful to hear, if you’re living with the fear of it being over you’ll be more stressed than if you know.  Plus it could be an avenue for both of you to get some help, guidance and maybe get your relationship back on track.

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Question

 

How do I know if I can trust my partner again after he lied to me before and promised to change but didn’t.  Should I believe him this time?

 

Answer

 

If he has lied to you before and promised to change, and hasn’t, then why do you think he can now?  He may mean to change, or he may not, he may want to change, but simply cannot.  He may be so used to acting in a certain way that for all his good intentions he reverts back to his usual behaviour.

 

So trusting someone based on what they say leaves you open to having your heart broken again because some men cannot change and some don’t want to.  What you need to ask yourself is are you able to cope with being let down if it happens again and he doesn’t change?  If you can, then you can trust again- but it you can’t or don’t want to, then reserve your heart and wait until he has earned your trust again.

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Question

I can’t get my boyfriend to commit- he was great in the beginning but now it’s hard work getting him to spend any time with me and move the relationship on- why won’t he commit?

 

Answer

 

As much as this is a stereotyped answer it is none-the-less-true, men like to peruse, capture and get the heart of their fair maiden, but not necessarily stick around when the dishes need doing or she get’s ‘emotional’. 

 

It’s sad but true but if your man pursued you, he is doing what he has always done and gotten bored with his conquest and is looking for a way out.  Commitment to a lot of men is like kryptonite to Superman- they feel it’s the death of them and will do anything not to commit. 

 

The reason why he won’t commit?  So many reasons, there are men who like the thrill of the chase.  There are men who are born bachelors but like the idea of having a girlfriend.  There are men who simply like their own space and feel the need now and then to have female company.  And there are men who don’t know what they want and want to stay little boys with no responsibility for ever.  Who knows.

 

What you need to ask yourself is are you going to waste more of your life and time on a man who can’t or won’t commit to you?

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Question

 

 I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 5 years but we split and to cut a long story short, he’s getting married.  Should I contact him before he gets married and tell him I still love him?

 

Answer

 

STOP! NOOOOOOOOOO- don’t do it!

 

I would have to ask you why?  For what purpose?  You may have a need to tell him how YOU feel but it’s clear from his actions that he has clearly moved on, and now it’s time for you to do the same thing as well. 

 

And even if you did what would it serve?  You’re more likely to end up feeling worse when he rejects you for the second time- please don’t put yourself through that again.  As painful as it is now, give yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship and work on getting your life as you want it to be. 

 

Deep down you do have the strength- you really do.

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Question

 

My friends tell me I’m doing too much and that my partner only loves me because I do everything and he’s really using me, because if I stopped he would leave me.  But if I love him isn’t it okay?

 

 

Answer

 

The one thing you will learn as you get older is that if you give others will take and if you keep giving some others will take and take and moan if you don’t continue to give.  You will get to a point where you’ve given so much that there is nothing left to give and when you need him to give back- he won’t be there, or he simply won’t or indeed can’t. 

 

So no it doesn’t sound okay to know you’re with someone who ‘loves’ you just because you do everything but wipe his… for him.  Sorry- but is it love ?  Really???

 

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