Break Up Sex Does It Work For Women?

Posted: May 27th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Relationship Intimacy advice |

What you need to think about if you think that break up sex will spice up your life

 

I went to my local bookshop at the weekend and browsing through my usual books I spotted something that shocked me- ‘break up sex’.  For those of you who aren’t sure what mean, let me explain.

 

Break up sex is having sex with an ex, whether he’s your ex husband or ex boyfriend.  Call me naive, but I had never heard of such a thing, I didn’t know it existed, and I have to ask myself why?

 

 Why would a woman put herself through this?

 

Why men and women are different.

 

The prevailing assumption is that women, unlike men can’t separate sex from emotion and if she has sex with her ex, then she’s in danger of getting re attached to him and that spells disaster.  Because, not only does she already know that a relationship with this man didn’t work out, but when her lover has the ability to see sex as separate from emotions and coolly says thank you but offers nothing else, then she is going to get hurt all over again.

 

And from talking about this to women I know, this is so common.  Women are having break up sex and eventually paying the emotional price for it.

 

So the question is why?

 

From what I have gathered, just the idea of having hot sex with a forbidden makes sex so enticing and thrilling that it makes it seem worth it.  None of this meeting a new man who doesn’t know how to please you, much like a comfy cardigan, sex with your ex feels, at least on the surface, as being safer somehow.

 

But later, when it dawns on the woman that she is finding it hard to walk away, that’s when she will get hurt all over again.

 

Now the question that came across my mind was that maybe sex with your ex is okay- I mean we know that there are women in the sex industry who seem to be able to separate sex from emotion and detach just enough to be able to do their job. 

 

But I wonder how possible it is to totally squeeze out all emotion and all connection with the other person.  And if he is your ex- maybe it’s not at all possible.

 

So what should you do if you’re contemplating this?

 

Well you know what I would advise here, no don’t do it. 

 

And not just for the reasons I’ve just mentioned, but because why should you give him his cake and eat it?

 

Call me stingy, but if he wasn’t the right man for you, if for whatever reason you broke up with him or he with you, then why would you want to give him something so special without any commitment to you and your wellbeing?

 

And no I am not particularly old fashioned.  I just think that relationships are special.  And intimacy is the prize both the man and woman gets when they decide to see each other exclusively.  And because of that, it’s not something that should be treated lightly.

 

Plus if there  is a chance that the woman, you , could get hurt- then why take the risk, why take the chance?

 

I may be totally out of date with my attitude here, so let me know.

 

I mean is it common?  Do women typically get hurt or are they able to have sex with an ex as if nothing has happened?  I would like to hear your thoughts on this because after spending the last 8 years helping women cope with the emotional mindfield that relationships can bring, I’m not convinced that having sex with an ex, is risk free.

 

So let me know- I’ll answer all your comments.

 

Until the next time…..

 

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