How Do I Know He’s Ready To Commit?

Posted: May 23rd, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Marriage help and advice |

Is the relationship going anywhere or not?  What tells you he’s not going to commit?

 

Read these two scenarios and tell me the likelihood that they will foster a committed relationship.

 

Scenario 1

 

“ I’m 30 and my boyfriend is 55 and has never been in a long term relationship.  We’ve been together for over a year now, is there any chance he will ask me to marry him?”

 

Scenario 2

 

“My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for around 3 years now.  He can’t seem to make up his mind whether he wants to stick with it or not.  Will he ever commit to settling down with me or not”

 

What do you think, do you think they’ll get together and commit to their partner and live happily ever after?

 

The thing about commitment is that we all want it, but it’s not always that easy to get.  And it doesn’t seem to matter whether or how much your partner loves you, it’s not necessarily a sign that he’s ready or able to commit to you.

 

So here are some signs that will tell you whether your relationship is going anywhere or not.

 

Sign 1

Previous dating history

He has a bad history of previously failed relationships.  In fact he hasn’t been able to sustain a deep and meaningful relationship for more than a few months at a time.

 

Sign 2

His parents were unhappily married. 

What this can tell you is his tendency to either want to avoid marriage, because he doesn’t have any positive role models, and make a hash of it no matter how much he tries, or go out of his way to make sure his marriage works,  which of course is good.

 

Sign 3

He is committed to something / someone else.

You know about golf widows don’t you?  The idea that if a man is so committed to a sport or hobby , or even his car, that is  will get his time, attention and care.  So find out if he is committed to something else or someone else- for instance an aged parent.

 

 

Sign 4

What kind of decision maker is he?

If you ask him to make decisions does he find it easy or hard to make one?  Let’s say you ask him to go out with you but it’s the playoffs and he just doesn’t know what to do- so he either vacillates between the pros and cons of his decision, sits on the fence refusing to make a decision or he defers the decision making to you.  His pattern here is  a good indication of how he deals with conflicting options and committing to you could be one of them.

 

Sign 4

You need to persuade him to give you what you want.

If you have to give him good reasons why he should be  in a relationship with you, why you should get married or any of the other big decisions  a couple makes, then it’s unlikely that he will have committed to it and find it easy then to change his mind.

 

Sign 5

Some day honey

If he puts off making decisions about the future with “ some day honey when things are ….” type of responses- then you  could find yourself waiting for perfect situations to arrive and as you already know,  they never do.

 

Sign 6

Timing

If you are older than your partner or more mature and want to settle down, but he is still a child at heart and wants more adventures, you need to ask yourself whether you can wait or will the call of the wild always take precedence. 

 

Sign 7

Wanting children

As Women our  biological clock can increase our sense of urgency to get married and have children.  For the man, it may not be so urgent.  Of course there are women who want to put off having children for as long as possible and it might be the man who is getting more broody.  The thing to assess here is are you two likely to be on the same page at the same time with this issue?

 

Sign 8

Pressure from parents/ society

Depending upon your culture and upbringing, you may have unwritten rules about when you ‘should’ be married and settled- and this may not tie in with what your partners expectations are.  So you may need to be married sooner than your contempories and he may not share this. 

 

Sign 9

Ultimatums

Ultimatums from you or from him signal that you are both out of tune with each other, because if you have to be ‘forced’ or you have to ‘force’ your partner to marry/ or commit to you then over the long run this can breed resentment and anger, and split you both apart.

 

Sign 10

Falling in love too early

You may be one of those women who fall fast and heavy, and as soon as you’ve met someone you want to settle down with him.  There are no rules as to how quickly anyone should get married or settle into a serious relationship, but if you go in with this is mind even before you’ve met your potential mate, it may be colouring how you act and the pressure may be getting in the way.

 

Having read these 10 signs- can you see that there are always little clues  to what is really going on in a relationship.  But as much as these signs can indicate whether your partner is ready to commit to you, or not,  if at the end of the day you want to still be with him, being aware of potential conflicts can spur you  on to finding a solution.

 

And as for our couple at the start of this, they didn’t get together- but now they are free to find someone who is in the position to commit and more importantly who wants to commit,  and that’s the most important thing for you to take from this.  

 

Until the next time….

 

 

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