Is Love Enough?

Is love enough?

Hi Ladies

            how are you all doing?  Have you ever wondered how to really tell if you’re with the right guy or not?  Is it how much he loves you?  Or is it about what potential he has? 

Well I can tell you it’s neither of these,  they are important of course,  but not enough.  Yes I know that may come as a shock but let me explain.

If you judge a guys ability to be ‘the one’, on how much he loves you now, then you may be in for a rude awakening.  Why?  Because love is a great start but , what happens when you want to do things together and he’s busy working?  What happens when you want to have children but he would rather keep things as they are now? He still loves you but he has other priorities.  Love doesn’t automatically mean that you have anything in common or that you will see eye to eye yet most of us-me included used to think that it did.  Unfortunately it doesn’t.

Still not convinced?  Think of it like this.  In order to live happily ever after with the chosen one, you have to have the same or similar values,  you need to like each other when you really get to know each other.  You have to have a way to overcome your differences and work things through and none of this is automatic just because you love someone or he loves you.  

As you already know people that love each other end up not loving each other because of differences between them, so clearly love wasn’t enough.  Now I don’t want to depress you, I just want you to understand that how much he loves you  now, is just a small indication of whether he is the right man for you.

Which leads me onto to potential.

So many of us look at a guys potential and think that over time this will be fully realised.  Now being at the other end of women whose relationships have broken down, I hear the same thing over and over- ‘but we had so much going for us, he….’ and they go onto explain that she had built plans based on him realising his full potential some time in the future.

Well you know what it’s like when you’re at school and you don’t do well at something but they say you have potential,  well it doesn’t always mean that you’ve lived up to your potential to be a great athlete or the next Shakespeare.  Potential indicates a possible future but not a guarantee of an actual one.

So what  does tell you if the man you’re with or thinking of getting serious with is the right one for you?  One of the things is how much he values relationships.  Because if he values relationships then he’s more likely to make it his priority.  If he values relationships it will be easier for him to commit to you.  If he values relationships then he’s more likely to see himself as part of a couple and not a single guy whose been trapped.  And that last point is important.  But I’ll write about that in another time.

What I’d like to draw your attention to,  is think about all those things that are important to you in a relationship and if the only thing that you both had going for you is that he loves you, but you couldn’t rely on him or depend on him supporting you and he still fools around with other women, then would you want to look deeper at what he is bringing to the table now and not on what he could potentially bring?  

I know what my clients finally realise they should do.

So what about you- agree?   Disagree?  Have another point of view?  Let me know below.

Until the next time…