All men have their limitations- Do you know what they are?

Posted: February 16th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Men in Relationships | Tags: 10 marriage guidance tips |

All men have their limitations

Marriage Guidance Tips.

All Men Have Their Limitations-Do You Know What They Are?  

If you don’t know what the limitations of your partner are, then you may be putting your happiness at risk in trying to get him to be something he’s not.  And the sad fact is that when a marriage breaks down, you may need marriage guidance, but if you don’t want things to get to that level, then read on.   

Marriage guidance is just that, a guide for how to create a ‘better’ marriage or relationship with your partner.  And if you were to read any guide on how to create a better relationship,  part of your understanding would be to be to be able to understand your partner and for him to understand you.     Unfortunately as much as we all want to create a better relationship and, few of us really want to go to marriage guidance, and only end up there when things have taken the turn for the worse, do you know enough about the limitations of the man you love in order to make your relationship just as you would like to be?

Below are some marriage guidance tips that you can help you become more aware of the limitations of your other half so that you can use that knowledge to help you create a better relationship.    

 Marriage guidance tip 1

He won’t understand your need for reassurance.-Having him tell you he loves you time and time again- is important. 

I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of a single woman I know, myself included, that doesn’t like to hear a heartfelt ‘I love you’- now and then.  I don’t mean the ‘love you’ that so easily trips off the top of the tongue out of habit, I mean the ‘I love you’ that makes your heart sing every time you hear it.  And from the experience of my clients, some women need to hear it every day, and even twice a day, some need to hear it once or twice a week and I even know some women who don’t need to hear it at all – they need to be shown it. 

So depending upon which category you fall into, no matter how much you tell your partner that this is important to you- and no matter how much you say ‘do you love me?’ chances are that when he shouts back- well of course I love you, I’ve already told you that- just understand that he won’t understand your need for reassurance here. 

 

Marriage guidance tip 2

He won’t understand why security to you is not just about how much money he makes, it’s about how much time he spends with you as well. 

 

This is an interesting one because with the invention of WAGS and the media focus on image and the trappings of wealth, if aliens from another planet descended, they would think that every woman’s aim in life is to accumulate as much money as they possibly can.  That you only want your partner to earn the money so you can buy lots of stuff- because after all as a woman you love to shop- do you not?  And that love is shown by a healthy bank balance and a what latest designer gear you have. 

 And they’d be wrong wouldn’t they?

 

A bank balance isn’t the be all and end all. 

 

Security is having your partner at home, someone to rely on.  Someone who will be there when things get on top of you, someone who is there to help out, and someone who can be there to help bring up your children.  And long hours at the office -at least over the long term for most women -just won’t cut it- but you’ll not get them to understand that.  (There are reasons why,  but we’ll go into that another time)

 

Marriage guidance tip 3

He won’t understand that being able to listen and empathise doesn’t mean you need answers or solutions at that time. 

 

He won’t understand that your need to talk doesn’t necessarily mean you have a problem; you just need to talk to understand how you think about a situation.  Talking acts like a sounding board and telling someone who won’t judge you is therapeutic, it reassures you that what you think is justified, it gives you space to work out whether you were in fact ‘wrong’, or indeed ‘right,’ and it allows you to let go of how bad or confusing or awful a situation is. 

In short listening without judgement sings to most women’s hearts, shows love, connection and a strong relationship. Telling you what to do and giving you solutions when you don’t want it, yet, shows the opposite.   

 

Marriage guidance tip 4

He won’t understand that intimacy and sex are two very different things

 

Have you ever just wanted a cuddle but more often than not, it lead to sex, and though nice, was not what you wanted or needed?  Have you ever tried to explain to your partner that sharing thoughts, going for walks, being friends as well as lovers makes for intimacy in your eyes? 

If what I read is true- plus my experience as a coach backs this up, most men don’t get this.  They may do it to please us, but they really don’t understand that whole intimacy thing and trying to explain it falls mostly on deaf ears. 

Marriage guidance tip 5

He won’t understand that being loved and adored is shown when he still fancies you, no matter how much weight or wrinkles you have gained.  And that this is THE BEST compliment he can give you.

 

Look at any magazine, watch all the ads on TV, look at the majority of female presenters and they’re skinny, okay at least very slim, beautifully made up and nothing like the majority of how us ‘real’ women look in our every day life. ( Okay so I’m slimish- but still nothing like the women I see on tv every day)  So it irks me somewhat, to find that, a lot of men think that complimenting us on our looks- is something we’ll enjoy hearing especially as we get older.         ( Now I know this is a contradiction- but bear with me)

 

Stop noticing –we’ll love you forever!

 

Now if you’re under 40 you may wonder what I’m talking about here, but when the first grey hairs start to show, or when those fine lines become bigger and no matter how much expensive guff we pile on our skins, those visible lines, haven’t really faded, we just kid ourselves they have, we don’t really want to be reminded that it was indeed our looks or our figure that our men like most about us. 

But some men just won’t get that loving us is ignoring the extra lump or two around the middle, not noticing that we are indeed heavier than when we met them, and indeed to them we are just as sexy, and adorable just as we are- extra lines, weight and all. 

 

Marriage guidance tip 6

He won’t understand our need to ‘fix’ the relationship and keep it on track- even when it seems things are running along nicely

 

I like to talk- I’m sure you can tell by my long posts, and I’m in the school of wanting a great relationship- so I like to talk and sort things out, and so have the majority if not all of my female clients.  I’m sure you do too.

So the man you love just won’t get it when you feel the need to address an issue that at the moment is small, and isn’t posing a threat to the relationship, but can and will become bigger if is not dealt with.  They just don’t think like that. 

So when you sit down and want to ‘talk’ don’t be surprised if he runs into his cave. 

 

Marriage guidance tip 7

He won’t understand that labelling you as someone who nags or that you’re too insecure and not to worry about something that’s on your mind, just makes things worse. 

 

I know the running stereotype of women is that we nag, or that we’re insecure or that we go weird at ‘that’ time of the month, but to be told that, to live with someone who thinks of us like that- isn’t fun, is it? 

No matter how much you may tell your husband that you asking for something to be done and reminding him that it hasn’t been done, isn’t nagging, you will get tarred with that label, very quickly and very easily.  And you may react by trying to convince him that he’s wrong in his assertion, or you may shut down after a while and start to walk on eggshells, being careful what you say and how you say it. 

Unfortunately there is no cure for this, because just as much as if I say doctor- you’ll think of a man  first, and not a woman, the idea that women nag,  are insecure and are over emotional, is so ingrained in the heads of our men,  that you may as well give up on trying to change his viewpoint.

 ( Actually you may as well keep asking and reminding him  because how else are you to get things done? Plus read some of my other posts- there are ways in which to ask and remind him that cuts down the nagging label significantly)

Marriage guidance tip 8

He won’t understand that having him as your best friend will make you feel loved, secure and worthy.

 

Knowing that there is someone at home that you can confide in, that doesn’t judge you, criticise you- too much- who is your best friend and lover, is a marriage made in heaven.

So, if you are the type who wants to spend time with your partner, bond, create a connection and generally build a friendship as well as a strong and loving relationship, then you may have  a hard time getting your other half to understand the importance of this.

Men it seems are wired to get their identity from the work they do, relax best with their buddies, want someone that they can talk sport or politics with, or other ‘manly interests, and find just hanging out with their wife not as stimulating as fixing something or playing with the latest gadget. 

That being said it is possible for your man to do this with you- but don’t expect him to get it and in some cases look forward to it.  Because unless it’s got a purpose, they just won’t see it’s significance to the wellbeing of the relationship. 

 

Marriage guidance tip 9

He won’t understand that it’s the little things that make the difference.

 

There are special times of the year when it obligatory for men to buy flowers, cards and gifts, but it’s the consistency of the little things throughout the year that matter, but getting your man to see this, can prove challenging.

You may be the kind of woman who likes that extra text during the week telling you how much you’re loved.  You may like it when your partner thanks you for a lovely meal, even though it was midweek and it was nothing special.  You may also like him to have brought you a small inexpensive gift as a reminder of the time you spent over the weekend.  And you may also like the fact that you don’t need to remind him to do things that need to be done.  If you are this type of woman, this will NOT mean that much to the man you love. 

Being consistent with this type of behaviour is rare- at the beginning of a relationship, maybe.  At those special times of the year, but every week or two- up hill struggle. 

 

Marriage guidance tip 10

He won’t understand that supporting you in something you want to do, even though he doesn’t  agree with it, nor like it, is a declaration of true love.

 

It goes without saying that having children changes all relationships, that despite this being 2009, women still ‘give up’ more to be mothers than men do.  So to be supported by him in doing things he may  not really want to do, is something you’d like, but is a challenge to actually get.

Let’s take a trivial example- lots of women like to shop- I’m not one of them, but then I am a bit weird here, and lots of women like hanging out with their partners, but lots of men don’t like to do this and will moan, whinge and resist doing so. 

 

So wouldn’t it be nice if your partner said- okay dearest, I’d love nothing better than to walk aimlessly around the shops all day with you, wait outside changing rooms feeling like I shouldn’t be there, tell you, you look nice for the hundredth time, and find it a most fascinating experience that I’d want to do it all over again the next weekend.

But it simply isn’t going to happen is it?  Okay it can on rare occasions and some men are okay doing this, but they’re like water in the desert- hard to find. 

 Major marriage guidance conclusion

 

So, where are we?

We know that our men are different from us- and what we deem as important isn’t seen in the same way to them. 

You may want all of the above, you may really want to create a better relationship with your significant other.  Or you may even just want him to do one tiny thing different each week never mind each day- so how do you do that?

Well it isn’t about getting him to do things that are just not him, that he feels uncomfortable doing.  It isn’t about telling him over and over and expecting that he just get how important it is to you.   And it isn’t about giving up and realising that you have to put up with a man who is resistant to your directives and essentially being in the marriage alone. 

 

It is about cultivating a different attitude- a gutsy girl attitude and starting small.

From my other posts there are hints, tips and strategies for you to try that work!  Have you been trying them?  Have you at least tried one?  Did it work?  Did it make a difference?

If not, have you subscribed to my FREE  Relationship Rescue report- that is full of things for you to try.  Subscribe today!  And if you want more support and guidance- I’m only a phone call away. 

Everything I do works!  And I want you not to believe my words, but try the strategies, adopt the new mindset of a gutsy girl and do one small thing differently.  If you want FREE support on this, email me- I’ll help all I can.

So gutsy girls and soon to be gutsy girls- know the limitations of our fairer sex- our men.  They just won’t get what we want here, and so like the saying goes- ‘you shouldn’t teach a pig to sing- you waste your time and it annoys the pig’

 But….. there are ways around this- and I’m here to help.  Just contact me by phone or email mail- I’ll be glad to help

 

So what about you?  Do you not think that men really ‘should’ get what‘s most important to us especially if you’ve been married for some time?  Or are you not really that interested in talking and understanding your mate, what’s really  important is that your man provides well for you and your children- that’s much more important?  Let me know.

 

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