Does sexiness diminish with age? (Pt 2)

Posted: February 2nd, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Relationship Intimacy advice | Tags: aging, Relationship problems |

Want help with your new relationship?-  How to avoid 3 of the biggest problems  a new relationship can bring. 

Part 2- Body image, aging issues and sex- how this can be a hot bed of insecurities, fears, anxieties which can threaten even the most stable of couples.   

In part 1 of Want help with your new relationship, I talked about the tips and strategies that you could use to help you in the first few months of your new relationship, and indeed for the rest of your marriage.

Now let’s turn our attention to a most taboo subject- body image, aging issues and sex, how this can be a hot bed of insecurities, fears and anxieties which can threaten even the most stable of couples.   

There’s no doubt about it, sex sells and is everywhere in the media and as much as this is becoming the norm, how do the images of slender, young bodies affect us- ( and I do include myself in this) aging women?

Yuk- ugly term, let’s change that to maturing women, after all, they say life begins after 40- and we’re as young as we feel- or the man we feel  

Aging issues

Now I would like to say that all that media stuff didn’t affect me, and my clients would like to believe the same also, but…. If you’ve been in a long term committed relationship before your present relationship, your then partner would have gotten used to your body, your aging and your habits. 

In a new, or relatively new relationship with a new man, then one of the barriers we women have to cross- is what will my new partner think of my body?  Or is it just me willing to admit, that the odd line, the odd wrinkle really does chip away at my confidence.  Go on admit it, you’ve thought the same!

No longer feeling as attractive or comparing ourselves to our younger more nubile sisters doesn’t do any of us any good.  Yes I’m sure you know that but, how do you stop that voice nagging at you, that voice that wishes you could turn back the clock and feel as young and as sexy again- especially in a newish relationship?

Sexiness is all in the mind

They say that sexiness is all in the mind- but how do you get to feel sexy again?  And what are the consequences if you don’t?

Sexiness, like confidence is all in the mind, there are women of all shapes, sizes and ages who don’t have body image aging issues, just as much as there are women of all shapes, sizes and ages who do.  And if you do, then it becomes increasingly difficult for you to enjoy your relationship, at least the personal side of it, because your thoughts will be focused on what’s not right, what’s sagging a bit more etc etc.

You could end up feeling uptight, self conscious, over sensitive to your partners comments.  You could find yourself reading too much into how your partner looks at you, or other women, or how he touches you- all manner of things. 

You could start to insist that he reassure you that you are still attractive to him, and that he loves you just as you are- extra rolls and wrinkles and all.  But, and here’s the downside, if YOU don’t accept your body, your aging, your extra rolls, it is extremely difficult to be reassured by anyone.

And, this issue can become a barrier between you and your partner, one that he, unfortunately, can do nothing about.

So how do you feel sexy again?

• You could buy lingerie- okay works for some
• You could go on a diet and lose that extra pound or two- difficult to maintain
• You could never let your partner see you naked again- drastic and totally unnecessary- though I have thought about it- no only joking.
• You could do some inner work and work on self acceptance, self esteem and body confidence.

Take time to build your body confidence- it works!

Yawn – boring!   I hear you say.  And it works- honestly.  I do admit you may need to lose a few pounds because there is a weight and size which I like to call our sexy weight- it’s not the thinness of our bodies which dictates it, it really is a place where you feel good about you- and it’s not size dependent- to a degree.  It’s the size when you feel confident, when you aren’t self conscious about your body size, it’s a size where you feel sexy and that’s a great place to be as part of your strategy to have your man eating out of your hand.

So how do you get there?

Mirror work- a gateway into self and body acceptance.

One of the simplest yet powerful technique I have come across that will help you go improve your body confidence is, mirror work.  It gets rid of the aging issues.  It really is simple, all you do is stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself, look into your own eyes and affirm to yourself something positive about your body and about you.

So you could say something like

(your name)____________ you look good today- well done!

I love myself, and I love how I look

I’m liking myself more and more, and I especially like my __________ ( choose a body part)

After a while you start to feel more confident and when you do, start to admire your body.  Start to really admire you, how you look and really get into the idea that you are a sexy, powerful, and confident woman.

When you’ve done this and start to notice changes, start thinking of your partner being such a lucky man to have a beautiful woman like you beside him at night.  I mean it, go to town on this one.  

There is nothing a man likes more than a confident woman who hasn’t allowed her age or body size to get in the way of how she feels about herself.  Of course there are men who for one reason or another, deem looks over personality, but the majority, it’s not as important as how you feel about you.  

What is sexy, what turns them on is a confident woman- and this is one of ways to gain back that confidence.

What to stop doing

Doing this regularly really does help you improve your body confidence.  As well as refusing to

Focus on the negatives about your body

Talking about how saggy your bits are

Avoiding certain clothes until you are the size and shape you really want to be

Asking for reassurance from your partner about your body size

Covering yourself up

Getting undressed in the dark

And all those other things you may do to avoid looking at your body and accepting it as it is now.

Aging issues is something we ALL have to deal with, and if you take the time to do your mirror work, build your confidence, see yourself as a catch, then you will be amongst the fortunate whose insecurities haven’t developed to the stage of causing a wedge between you and your partner.   

So my gutsy or soon to be gutsy girl- time to go.  Let me know what you think here.  Has this been an issue for you and if so how did you overcome it?  Have you never had a body image aging issue?  If not, what is it we can learn from you here?  Let me know.

In part 3 I’ll be looking at the other issue in a newish relationship- parenting.  Nothing could start an argument quicker than criticising your partners parenting style, or if they criticise yours- so how to we maintain harmony then?

See you in part 3.

If you’ve found this useful and would like get even quicker results, then call or email me-let’s have a chat and take it from there.

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