Relationship Burnout- How To Avoid It -Pt 4 of 6
Posted: April 1st, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Signs of an unhealthy relationship | Tags: How to avoid relationship burnout |
10 warning signs of an unhealthy relationship- (Pt4/6Tutorial)
Relationship Burnout: How Most Couples Get It - and How You Can Avoid It
If you remember from the previous post I gave you the fifth and sixth warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Today we’ll concentrate on the next two signs of an unhealthy relationship that can lead to relationship burnout
Unresolved differences and Lack of enthusiasm.
What this course is about
· Helping you to see what signs of an unhealthy relationship are affecting your chances of a great relationship.
· Giving you strategies so you can put these ideas to work for you.
· Each week you will learn two more signs of an unhealthy relationship. By week 6 you will have all 12 signs of an unhealthy relationship and can use that knowledge to avoid relationship breakdown.
Relationship Burnout: How Most Couples Get It - and How You Can Avoid It
If you and your partner repeat the same negative behaviour over and over and things just don’t seem to change- then you are in a stuck pattern- and it’s a sign that both of you are involved in an unhealthy relationship and if continued burnout is just around the corner.
How this happens is quite accidental. At the beginning of any relationship tensions happen, small irritations occur and both of you are tested to how patient and understanding you are of each others foibles. This is normal when two people live together for extended periods of time. But then your reaction and his reaction become a pattern and this pattern when repeated can become a stuck pattern of interaction and ware down even the most strongest of couples.
Relationship burnout happens when the stress and strain of these repeated patterns becomes just too much for one or both of you and that’s it! Things blow and there seems little energy to get things back to where they used to be, back to a place where both of you can talk and work things out.
Deadly sins guaranteed to kill any chances of developing a healthy loving relationship
Over time though your differences become unresolved and these become more points of contention and one of two things can happen. You can decide to argue and become angrier and angrier- or you can suppress your anger and it turns into a negative energy that saps enthusiasm from your relationship. As a deadly sin, unresolved differences fester and eat away at the relationship.
And the worst thing about any stuck pattern is that you could so get used to things being that way that you end up believing that ‘it’s just the way it is’ and believe relationships are sources of irritation and tension. Or you can start to blame your partner for the ‘state’ of your relationship which of course doesn’t lead to things being resolved- it just creates more tension.
The fastest way to avoid sending your relationship into a tail spin
Understand the pattern you are in and how patterns are formed.
Your habitual reactions are the key to how well you’ll handle the ups and downs of a relationship. Once you are aware that you:
· Tend to blame or
· Become angry or
· Withdraw
Whatever your pattern is, then you now know and have something to work with, you have a platform from which you can start to make changes.
3 fast and easy steps to a more healthier relationship
1. Develop your self awareness
Limit the number of times you think
‘Why do I / we keep doing this?’
‘Why does this keep happening to me/us?’
Saying/ thinking this only leads to immobilisation, blame and anger
Instead answer this
1. ‘The situations that I find myself in too often include……and I usually react like this……. and when I do, I notice that…………………… which means that I can’t…………………….’
Example The situation that I find myself in too often include arguing over who was right and who was wrong, and I usually react by being angry and resentful, and when I do, I notice that my partner gets walks away and won’t speak to me for ages which means that I can’t connect with him/her like I’d like to and I find it difficult to relax at home.
2. ‘The things I find myself doing even when I don’t want to are…….which leads to……………………… in our relationship, and so I will now ……………………….’
2. Identify ways in which you can express your true feelings
I feel angry when……………………………..
I feel resentful about…………………………………….
I feel put down and furious because………………………
The patterns I have identified are……………………………..
And this is what I am going to do to make some improvements………………………………..The smallest step being……………………………..
Example:
And this is what I am going to do to make some improvements:
Count to 10 before I say anything or take a deep breath just to stop me from reacting too quickly
The smallest step being: to have a shower after I come in from work to give me breathing space and let go of work issues so they won’t spill over into my relationship.
3. Develop more loving feelings about your relationship and toward your partner
I love it when s/he……………………………………….
I feel happiest when………………………………………………..
I look forward to being with my partner when………………………………
Today/tomorrow I will show my partner that I love them by (doing)…………………………………
Example:
Today/tomorrow I will show my partner that I love them by holding his/her hand when we are out walking or shopping…..
Coming up in Part 5
2 Things That’ll Make Your partner Leave You
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