Why You Ignore Great Relationship Advice

Warning signs you’re with the wrong guy- that you may be ignoring

I have written extensively about warning signs that the man you’re with may not be right for you, or that a problem you have maybe getting out of hand.  But I’ve still found amongst my clients and on line that we, don’t always listen. It’s not because you do not want to listen and follow through it’s just that sometimes there are deeper reasons why you know what to do but still ignore great relationship advice. 

So in this little discussion I want to talk to you about why you may be ignoring the useful helpful advice, myself and others are giving you, so that  when you take this on board, you will find it easier to identify what has stopped you making changes, understand yourself much better and change those things you’ve been putting off changing but really want to change. 

Why you may be ignoring great relationship advice

In western society when it comes to relationships there is a lot of social conditioning that goes into controlling how we think and what we do.  For instance think about what society tells black women in America ( which is very different to the UK for example) There is an underlying message that because black men may be repressed that black women who love them need to support them even more than say an ethnic group who isn’t as repressed. 

And that’s all well and good, but if he happens to be the wrong man for you, then you are allowing yourself to put up with behaviour that doesn’t work for you, and in some cases bad for you. 

So in any situation where you’ve wondered why with the knowledge you know, you still aren’t following through, look at what messages, beliefs you have from the society you live within.  What are these messages telling you about how you should be in a relationship and what does that make you put up with in reality.

In the same vein, think about all the sayings we have floating around about the nature of relationships, ‘ relationships take work’, ‘ it takes two to make it work’, ‘you have to compromise’, ‘ you have to make sacrifices’, ‘ men wear the trousers’ and so on.  Think about what behaviour these messages will encourage you to put up with,t comparing what you do with what you want to do.

The thing is, there is a grain of truth in all of these sayings, I’ve used some of them myself and actually believe a lot of them to be true, but if you have any of these sayings as your personal mantra, a mantra that is almost like a conviction, then your behaviour will reflect that.

You may find that if you believe that relationships take work, for example, when you meet a difficult guy you are more likely to put up with his unacceptable behaviour for longer than if you had this as a guideline of what to expect from a relationship. Which is very different to using these sayings as your personal doctrine for how you should act.  You see where I’m going with this.

Your beliefs really do guide your behaviour and if you’ve found that despite the fact you agree with the advice you’re getting but you’re still not using it, then look at what messages you receive from society as another reason why you’re stopping yourself fully utilising the information you already have.

What will happen when you take this on board?

When you do look at your beliefs about how you should be in a relationship and compare that to how you actually want to be, you will increase your awareness of why you’re not getting the results you want.  And with added awareness comes a subtle shift in what you later do.  And that’s where you’ll see your changes taking place.

And of course your relationships will change.   You will start to do things differently and again that slight shift can have a profound effect on what you’re currently experiencing.

This happens because awareness always gives you more options than you thought you had before.  For instance, if you weren’t aware that you didn’t follow through because you had beliefs that relationships take work, now you understand that it is leading you to do things you don’t want to do and now you have the choice about how you will do it in the future.

And the great thing about being more aware is that it is great for every area of your life.  Not only can you now look at your behaviour in other contexts to see why you do what you do  and what you’d rather do instead, you now know it will help you modify what you do and you’ll get better results.

So if you have always wandered why you don’t follow through, you now have one more answer to that question.  

So, if you would like to understand this a bit more and how it will be impacting on your present relationship then leave me a comment or question below, or email me and I’ll answer your questions.

Until the next time….

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