The top 5 long term relationship problems you need to be aware of?

Relationship differences can get out of hand!

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but a lot of relationship advice you’ll find on the web is aimed at women and men who are dating, single women who want to know how to get a boyfriend, men who want pick up lines, people who want divorce advice and even those who are looking to have an affair- discreet of course But what about those of us who are in long term relationships and who want to stay that way?  Where do we get our relationship advice?

Well here of course!

Long term relationships have different expectation up than a new relationship

If you are in a long term relationship, the whole set up, expectation and wants are very different than if you are in a new relationship or a short term one.  You already know your other half’s habits and foibles.  You’ve already negotiated your way through certain issues.   You’ve both agreed to not deliberately say each other pet hates, and you both probably take each other for granted.

So, how do you stop taking each other for granted and put the spark back into your relationship when you’re both busy, you’re both bringing up your children, and you don’t have a lot of time?  You know you love him and he still loves you, but you just don’t spend that much time together. 

If you noticed I just outlined 5 of the top problems that those of you in long term relationship will come across over time, namely:

What are the top 5 long term relationship problems you need to be aware of?
Communication- ‘We just don’t seem to talk any more’

Intimacy- ‘I’m so tired at the end of the day, all I want is a cuddle, but my partner wants more’

Time- ‘What with the children and my job, we’re like passing ships’

Children- ‘Monday it’s ballet, Tuesday one’s at choir , the other music, Wednesday…’

love- ‘I do love him and I’m sure he loves me, but it just doesn’t feel like it’. 

So let’s explore what impact these have.
Communication
Why is it that people don’t talk any more?  Why do couples keep so much to themselves about who they are and what they really think?
Communication falls down between couples because of the politeness gene.  We all want and need to be polite and wouldn’t deliberately hurt our partners- except when we’re in an argument maybe, we find it hard to be honest- truly honest. 

Apparently, there seems to be something distasteful about really telling our loved one how we feel because to do so would hurt their feelings or make things worse, or open the door to more criticism.  The fear of criticism is one of the major reasons why couples, who have been together for a long time, find it harder to really tell the other person what they feel.  And of course this doesn’t work.  Avoidance never works!

Intimacy
I can’t think of a single person who doesn’t like the idea and the practice of being really close to another human being.  Yet if you’ve been married for a long time haven’t you found that it seems to get less and less?  For some reason asking for what you want, that extra cuddle, to be told you’re loved every day, or to be touched in a certain way, is not the thing to do. 

And I for one just don’t understand this.  Being intimate with your partner is MUST. Without it, you might as well be friends- and of course that’s how a lot of relationships end up.

Time
The biggest issue in today’s modern times is time.  If you have children and are career minded then you won’t have time to do all those little things you know you ‘should’ do, those things you’ve been putting off.  In long term relationships when you have children, something has to be sacrificed and time for yourself and your relationship is the first thing to go.

I remember talking to an ex of mine who was incredulous that women, me included, wanted so much time and attention- you mean we have to go out and spend time together- okay I exaggerate.  But he didn’t understand the need to spend time with me or his previous girlfriends.  And worse than that ladies, we don’t spend time on ourselves.  

And as I’ve always said, if you neglected your job as much as you are neglecting time with your spouse and time for yourself would you still have a job?

Children
I shouldn’t really put children under relationship problems- I don’t mean to suggest that they are problems, not at all.  I want to highlight your attention to the fact that children take up your time, your love and attention and if you are not careful you wont’ have the time to spend on the whole of your relationship and not just one aspect of it.

love
Don’t we all grow up with the idea of love being the thing we’re looking in life?  It’s the emotions few of us can get enough of, and what most of us will work hard to get, and keep and protect. Yet, love, being in love is easy, for most of us, but staying in love with the one we ‘love’ is the hardest thing of all.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the popular phrase- I love with you, I’m just not in love with you- so I’m leaving you.  How ridiculous a statement that is, yet how common it is. 

So I said there were at least 5 problems when you’re in a long term relationship, and only one solution- so what is it?

Brace yourself it ‘s dead simple you have to make your relationship important.

Let me explain.

Have you ever found yourself doing one thing and yet putting off doing another?  Do you find that there are things you always get done no matter how much time you don’t seem to have?

All of us can identify with this because we all do it, daily.  And as controversial as this may sound, if your relationship isn’t as vibrant as you would like then it’s to do with the level of importance you have given it.  ( and of course your partner has given it)

Because if it came to a choice between asking someone to babysit and go out with your partner- which do you choose?
If it’s a choice of working overtime or saying no and spending that time with your partner- which do you choose?
If it’s a choice between cramming things in your schedule and putting other people first or spending time on a date with your partner, which do you choose?

You get my point!

And I know life and choices aren’t as black and white as I’ve just made out, BUT…. the only thing, the one thing that will make these top 5 problems go away or at least diminish is to make your relationship important, or more important than it is now.  And for you partner to do the same

Try it  it’s true! 

So my gutsy and soon to be gutsy girls, you know what I think, what do you think? What relationship problems do you have?  or had?
Has what you’ve just read been true for you? Do you identify with the top 5 long term relationship problems I’ve identified?  Or are there others that are more important?  Let me know! 
If you would like any help, assistance or coaching in anything on overcoming your own long term relationship problems , please feel free to contact me- if of course it’s important to you