Warning signs of an unhealthy relationship part 1/6
Posted: March 12th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Signs of an unhealthy relationship | Tags: Add new tag, Signs of an unhealthy relationship |
10 warning signs of an unhealthy relationship- (Pt1/6Tutorial)
Week 1
What this course is about
· Recognising the signs of an unhealthy relationship so that you can understand why your relationship isn’t feeling as good or working as well as you would like it to be.
· To help you make decisions about which areas to work on and what to do to make your relationship better.
· Each week you will look at two of the separate signs of what it feels like to be in an unhealthy relationship. By week 6 you will have all 12 signs of an unhealthy relationship and be able to use that knowledge to make the necessary changes.
Why looking at the signs of an unhealthy relationship could save your relationship?
It will:
· To help you understand why you don’t feel as happy as you want
· To increase your awareness of what is contributing to your unhappiness, frustration or dissatisfaction.
· To help you feel better about yourself in your relationship
· To give you the power back to make changes in your relationship
· To help you change things so you can ensure a more loving relationship
· To stop relationship deteriorating and it falling into divorce
The first 2 signs of being in an unhealthy relationship are the negative effects it has on your self esteem and your sense of security.
Self esteem is your opinion on your self worth, whether you feel you are worthy of what you want in life or not. And when you feel insecure you have little trust and belief in yourself and need a lot of reassurance from others that things can work out for you.
Just what is an unhealthy relationship?
It is a relationship that is having a negative affect on one or more of the people in that relationship. So if you or your partner are feeling down, depressed, angry as a result of being in a relationship together, then that would be deemed an unhealthy relationship.
What you’ll be exploring over the next few posts, are the signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship because you may feel bad, but can’t quite put your finger as to why.
So what are the signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship?
The first two signs that you’re in an unhealthy are how your relationship is affecting your self esteem and your sense of inner security. And they way to measure this is from how you feel. Even though how you feel is a subjective measure it really is the only way to tell whether being in your relationship is healthy or unhealthy for you.
Being in an unhealthy relationship makes you feel bad. Now I know a lot of women and men put up with their relationship being less than ‘perfect’ and that’s okay – if that’s all you want out of your relationship.
But you should know that if you’re feeling bad – this is a strong indication that something is not right and needs to change. Think of it like this. If your teeth need fixing, they will ache, if your back needs seeing to, it will hurt. If your relationship isn’t as good as it could be, you will feel bad and there may be more arguments, disagreements etc.
Now as much at this is an obvious sign that you are potentially in an unhealthy relationship, what you may not realise is how much is it affecting your self esteem and sense of inner security and this has implications for how happy you will be in other parts of your life, and how well you’re able to cope in your life.
How can you be sure that your relationship is affecting your self esteem?
· Believe that you are not deserving, that you are powerless to change things, that things just seem to happen to you which you can’t do anything about
· Feel worried, guilty, depressed or uptight
· Act indecisively, defensive, aggressively or passively
· If I ask you to describe yourself before you went into your present relationship, a few months on and then now- would you describe yourself as becoming happier, more fulfilled? Or would you see how much more irritable you’ve become, how much more distant, more angry?
· And would you say that you are mostly positive, negative or neutral about your relationship? When you speak to family, friends or complete strangers what’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth? What impression are the people you speak to left about the ‘state’ of your relationship?
· And lastly? Have others noticed that you have changed- for the worse!!
When you start to think about how your relationship is affecting you, pay attention to both the positive and negative effects and weigh up which one is out shining the other. Your gut feeling and the ‘evidence’ is what will inform your opinions here.
And to identify whether being in an unhealthy relationship is affecting your sense of inner security read the following:
· Do you go through your days feeling so insecure that you need extra reassurance? You need to be told you’re loved, liked ( over and above what is normal for you), or that he or she still loves you? Won’t leave you? And that everything in your relationship is still okay?
· Have you shut down, become more distant or more needy?
· Have you started to worry more and more about where your relationship is going and are desperately clinging onto making things right.
Generally, if you’re feeling out of balance, out of sorts feeling that things are not right, and you show some of the signs above, then maybe consider doing one of the following.
5 Steps For a Fast Recovery From being in an unhealthy relationship
· Decide what you are no longer going to do that is making the situation worse
· Decide what you are no longer going to put up with that isn’t working for you
· Decide that things are going to change and that you are going to make it your mission to change one thing in your behaviour, your actions or reactions.
· Spoil yourself and make time to give yourself the acknowledgement and praise you deserve
· Only focus on what is good and what is working in your relationship which will help to build your inner strength to help create your ideal relationship.
Now let’s suppose that you’ve acknowledged that you are in fact living in an unhealthy relationship and that some of the signs of an unhealthy relationship are true for you at this moment in time, does it make sense to you to make decisions to improve your relationship in some way? Does it also make sense to you that when you do start to make changes, that this will have a positive effect on the level of happiness you get from your relationship? If it does, then you now know that by making some small easy improvements, you get to increase your self esteem, you get to smile more and feel happier, you get to feel good about yourself and you get to be in the kind relationship others can only dream of.
Coming up in part 2:
Until the next time…..
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