Why An Affair Can Show You How To Spice Up Your Marriage

Why having an affair can tell you how you should be in your marriage

No I’m not advocating having an affair far from it, but have you noticed that a couple whose marriage or long term relationship is suffering, and they disconnect from each other, can suddenly find the time and energy, to be all they need to be with their new partner?

When two people get together, they are deemed compatible with each other and for the most part they rub along nicely together.  They meet each others needs, make each other laugh, make each other and their relationship a priority and make the effort to spend time together and do what is necessary to build that connection.

Yet a few months or years down the track, they don’t have time to talk, go out, laugh, plan, cuddle, make love, you name it, they don’t have time.  Yet when one of the couple has an affair, they find the time, energy and focus to do all the things they don’t do in their present relationship.

Funny that isn’t it?

And this is why having an affair could tell you how you should be in your marriage.

Think about it like this, you want to save your marriage?  You want to feel excited and alive again, you also want your husband or boyfriend to pay attention to you and make you feel loved and adored.  So if you were to embark on an affair ( and no I’m not telling you to do this) if you were to think about the things you would do, what would they be?

I did this exercise with myself just to see what would come up for me, and it was amazing really because within a few minutes of thinking about it, I came up with lots of ideas about how I would be with him. 

I would focus on how much fun we could have- I would ignore the irritating way he chewed his food.  I would make the effort with how I dressed, I wouldn’t lounge round in my torn but comfy cardigan.  I would make an effort to talk about things that interested him- I wouldn’t roll my eyes because I’ve heard it all before.   And do you know I started to feel excited gain.  

So then I looked at my present boyfriend, and do you know felt quite excited about seeing him and being with him.

So have a go.  Think about how you would act if you were to embark on an illicit (albeit fantasy ) affair.  Spend a few minutes thinking just how much pleasure you could stand initiating and see what comes up for you.  

When you’re all excited at the possibility of illicit love, then turn that to your present relationship and note what is missing, why that same enthusiasm isn’t still there for him, and make him the object of your fantasy affair.

And then put your thoughts into action.  Spend each day doing one of those ideas that came up for you.  For instance if you know you would look at your lover in a sultry way, then do this with your present husband, and see how that goes.  

Ignore any embarrassment,  just have fun.  

In the next article, I’ll be taking a slightly more serious look at why affairs happen and what can leave a bad taste in your mouth years later.

Until the next time….