You Love Your Husband- But Does He Still Love You?

Posted: May 21st, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Marriage help and advice |

You Love Him- But Does He Still Love You? 

How to know if your husband loves you- and indeed whether you are still really in love with your husband.

 

Tell me about your early years together

 

A strange opening question- so let me explain. 

 

Imagine that you’re sitting in a marriage counsellors or relationship coaches office,  and the first question she asks you both is “Tell me about your early years together”

 

What is the first thing that would come to mind?

 

Note:   Do this for real now- you’ll understand why in a moment.

 

Whatever you answer here will determine the strength of your relationship and whether you or indeed your husband is still in love with you- and your marriage is going from strength to strength or it’s on it’s last legs and cannot be revived. 

 

As much as it can be painful to actually face the fact that your marriage may not be as strong as it could be, and it can be even harder to even ask yourself whether your husband still loves you,  if you do, you can potentially save your marriage, know when it’s time to bail- thus saving you and your family more months of drawn out misery, or reassure yourself that there is nothing really to worry about.

 

Facing the hard questions can really be the best thing both short term and long term.

 

So have you answered my initial question yet?  And what was your answer?  What was your response to such a question?

 

There are no typical answers to this question- and that’s okay because that’s not really important.  What is, is the type of response you gave, because that gives the real clues to whether your husband still loves you  ( if he answered this) and whether you still love him.

 

If you responding with a flood of good memories about your past which left a smile on your face, you know the kind of smile that you get when you’re reminiscing about the past, then that’s the kind of response that tells you that your marriage is still good now, despite any difficulties you are experiencing.

 

If, however you found it hard to connect to your past with your husband, and you only remember when things didn’t work out, how bad the reception was when you got married for instance, then, this shows your marriage may not be heading in the right direction.

 

And worse still is if you really couldn’t remember anything.  Let me illustrate.

 

When I finished with a boyfriend of mine, at the time it was quite easy.  I had been dating him for 8 months and I had found it extremely challenging – to say the least- to be with him.  But being the stubborn kind of woman I am and having a high need to make things work, I persevered.  But after 8 months of resistance from him and no sign that he wanted to commit to anything more than a casual affair, ( no he wasn’t married) I gave up- and walked away.

 

Now 8 months isn’t a short while to spend with someone, but what surprised me about it  was how easy it was for me to walk away giving my gritted determination to make things work.  I didn’t even go through the usual grief period when something has ended, that we all go through even if a situation had been bad. 

 

There was nothing.  And I even got annoyed that I had wasted 8 months of my life on that man, and chunnered to myself, as I walked around my local town, about the fact that there were no memories.  I tried to wrack my brain to come up with something, no matter how small, that was good about the last 8 months, but I couldn’t think of anything. 

 

But there were lots of good things we had done, but none of it stuck.

 

This is a classic case of a relationship that was dead and instead of there being any good memories all my brain could access were the negative events- which over the 8 months probably only totalled, 20-30% of the whole, but enough to make it feel like it was the full 100% of the time.

 

So this illustrates what a dead relationship feels like, not being able to come up with anything in response to “Tell me about your husband” ( boyfriend, partner, significant other)

 

But does he love me?

 

So the burning question I’m sure you want to know, is how would you then know if your husband really loves you, or is still in love with you?

 

Again you would have to be there to witness his answer.  So let me ask you a question- seeing as though it’s only you and me here today.

 

“ Tell me about your husband”

 

As you answer that question note where your mind goes and what it settles on.  Like the first question note how you respond to that question.  Do you smile as you talk about your husband?  Do fond memories or daft memories surface?  How does it feel inside as you talk about him?

 

Now whilst you’re answering those questions let me explain their significance.

 

Again it’s not necessarily in what you say- though it is important, what is more important is how you responded to this question,  because the question is deliberately vague so as not to lead you in any direction- you will automatically pick that for yourself.

 

So what did you come up with?

 

If you managed to find good memories, even memories of how awful it would have been if you couldn’t have been with him,  and your mind flitted from specific situations where you just thought the world of him made you smile, then your marriage is in great shape, because you still love him. 

 

The challenge here is that if in the midst of marital strife you can still draw upon some fond memories of your husband and things you like, love or admire in him, even if begrudgingly admitted, then the love is still there,  at least from your perspective.

 

As for your husband- you can test this for yourself- be careful to keep it light and non threatening,  and non pressured, because you just want to gauge his reaction.  If, like you, he can find fond memories, or at least admit to feeling mushy, then it’s a great sign there is still love from him to you.

 

 And as simple as this sounds, carrying on from the story of the guy I dated for 8 months, I couldn’t think of anything positive about him and certainly nothing I admired about him- even though as I said there were huge positives at the time.

 

So take note that the most important thing here is to keep connected to why you love, like and admire your husband.  If you can do this you will sustain a great marriage, and if it’s in trouble, and it’s the right marriage for you, you can rekindle the passion flames which are so important to longevity of any relationship .

 

So try it for yourself.

 

Think of 1-5 things a day which you 

a) love about your husband

 

b) admire about him

 

c) like about him

 

And let me know what you come up with.  Just post your comments below.

 

Until the next time.

 

 

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